This is not something I ever thought I would say, but  I’ll admit it – I’ve become slightly obsessed with The Celebrity Traitors. I’m hooked on it and as the present series finished last week I was really surprised by the outcome. I was convinced that one of the traitors would win.

But what fascinates me most about the programme isn’t working out who the Traitors are, although that’s great fun! It’s watching how people become convinced they know what something means.

When an interpretation starts to feel like fact

Michael Sheen was certain Sharon was a Traitor, but she was a Faithful. Myha’la was banished despite being innocent, while Maya, an actual Traitor, remained trusted.

Someone notices a look, a reaction, something another person says—or doesn’t say—and gives it meaning. Then once that interpretation takes hold, they begin to spot everything that appears to confirm it. They speak about it with enough conviction and then other people can start to see it and believe it too.

Before long, a whole group can be certain about something that simply isn’t true.

And we’re doing exactly the same thing from our sofas. I’ve seen plenty of posts criticising this year’s participants, comparing them with previous series and explaining what they should have done, noticed or said. I’ve caught myself doing it too.

It’s surprisingly easy to feel sure of our judgement when we’re watching from the comfort of home, with information the players don’t have and none of the pressure of being in the castle.

What happened, and what we decided it meant

But this goes well beyond The Traitors.

We make sense of what happens around us all the time. Something is said or done, we interpret it, and very quickly that interpretation can begin to feel like a fact.

A client might come to coaching feeling certain that their boss doesn’t trust them because the boss questioned a decision they made. What happened is that they questioned the decision- “They don’t trust me” is what the client has made it mean.

Making room for another possibility

I think it’s important to make the distinction between what actually happened and how it is interpreted, what meaning we give it.

It isn’t about telling someone their interpretation is wrong, or insisting there must be a more positive explanation. It’s about making space for exploring what they know, what they’ve assumed and whether anything else might be possible.

When we’re caught up in one explanation, it can be hard to see beyond it. A little space and genuine curiosity allow a different understanding to appear.

Sometimes the client sees that the assumption is well-founded. Sometimes they notice that they had treated one interpretation as the only possible truth. Either way, they have more room to think and decide what they want to do next.

That’s one of the things I value about coaching: the conversation doesn’t have to supply an answer. It can help someone notice how they arrived at the answer they already believe, and what else they might see when they look again.

I think that’s partly why I find The Celebrity Traitors so fascinating. It’s a very entertaining reminder of how convincing our own thinking can be, especially when other people begin to agree with us.

Although knowing all this still doesn’t stop me shouting at the television because I’m absolutely certain I know who they should banish! 😂

Until next time,

Cath

x