Even though Halloween stuff has been in the shops for what seems like ages it still isn’t quite here yet.

But seeing all the paraphenalia and ghost costumes on sale I’ve been thinking about the ghosts we can bring into a coaching conversation.

I don’t mean the ones in costumes, but the old messages that stay with us. Perhaps it’s feedback from training that still makes you wonder whether you’re doing it “properly”, or the belief that you should always have a powerful question ready.

Old messages can stay with us

These ideas don’t necessarily disappear when our training ends. They can follow us into our work and shape how we think about ourselves as coaches, sometimes without us realising.

Earlier in my career, I believed that silence meant I wasn’t helping enough. If a client paused to think, part of me felt I ought to step in and do something. It took time and experience to recognise that silence could be useful. A client might be thinking, feeling or finding words they hadn’t quite reached before. I’ve managed to let go of that particular belief, but I remember how strongly it influenced me.

When feedback stays with us

There was also a comment from a particular client that I couldn’t get out of my head for quite a while. I won’t share the detail here, but I remember how easily one person’s words could become a judgement about my coaching. I’ve since learnt to pay attention to the difference between reflecting on feedback and allowing it to define me.

And there’s one conversation that still comes back to me now and again: the one where I wish I’d responded differently. I can replay it, thinking about what I might have said or asked. Reflection can help us learn, but going over the same moment repeatedly doesn’t always give us anything new.

Noticing what follows us into the room

I hear similar things from coaches I work with. Feedback from training can continue to shape how they coach, or they may find themselves comparing their approach with someone else’s. Often, they notice the effect afterwards, when they replay a conversation and realise how much attention those thoughts took from the client.

We don’t need to get rid of every doubt. Uncertainty is part of the work, and reflecting on a session can be valuable. The useful thing is noticing when an old expectation is taking up space in the room. We can then decide whether it’s something to explore in supervision or mentoring, or whether simply recognising it helps us see the conversation differently.

I’m curious- which ghosts are most likely to follow you into your coaching room?

Until next time,

Cath

x

P.S. I often explore these kinds of questions with the coaches I work with. If one of these ghosts feels familiar, you’re welcome to message me and we’ll see how I can help.